Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
