i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
