got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
