I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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