I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
