WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
