First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize