I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
