Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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