you guys were way drunker than both of me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
