I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
