The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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