at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
