you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
