the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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