Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
