I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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