My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
