how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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