Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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