I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize