The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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