brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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