did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
