I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
