it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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