So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
