11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
