So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize