Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
