you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
