can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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