margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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