babies were throwing up all over the place
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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