I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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