I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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