I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
