she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Im part way to drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
