Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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