Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
