Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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