i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
