The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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