you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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