I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
