This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
