we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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