GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
