just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize