I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
