you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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