I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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