Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
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