his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
