I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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