This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
