you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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