my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
