I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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