dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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