why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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