Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
