OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
