This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
