none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
