He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
