Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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