I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
