how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
