After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
