We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
