girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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